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Can’t survive this

I cannot survive this. I cannot survive the loss of K. I cannot get all I need and want from her to sustain me for the rest of my life in less than 6 months. This pain is going to kill me. I cannot survive. I can’t.

Please let me die.

It doesn’t matter that she made a mistake or is reducing my session time. It matters that she is ill and she is going away and from December I will never see her again.

She is the mother I never had and always needed and I have 6 months of working with her and then we will say goodbye and never see each other again. And I will be in her heart forever but she will not be part of my life anymore and I will not be part of hers. She will never get to hear who we all become. I will have to live the rest of my life without her.

It is like losing my Mum but worse because K is warm and good and honest and sees the best in me.

I cannot survive.

Even blood cannot wash this pain away.

I want to die.

I want to die.

I want to die.

6 thoughts on “Can’t survive this”

  1. That must be such a horrible feeling. But I remember before the session you were talking about some potential benefits of stepping away from therapy, and maybe once you’ve had some time for grieving this terrible news that perspective might seem a little bit more possible.


    1. I guess I thought we could take a break and that she’d be there afterwards. I just feel so utterly powerless knowing it will be a forever goodbye and I have no say in it at all 😔

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks TS. There is anger from teen parts for trusting someone who can leave us again. But mostly just immense sadness for us and also for her and the horrible health condition which means she must give up the work she loves 😔


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