I remember quite a few years ago reading an article about how when abuse starts very young the inner critic becomes merged with the core personality. K said last week about my internal world being very harsh, and she mentioned my inner critic being very strong (not a term she’s used before, though I’m obviously familiar with it), and it got me to thinking how I don’t hear a critical voice, there’s no internal dialogue, it’s like this is how I am (links with OCPD I guess). I don’t hear judgement and so on of what I’m doing, but I can see how I operate from this place, like it’s how my personality is formed.
I don’t know how much sense this is making as I’m exhausted, overwhelmed and dissociated beyond belief, but I’d really like to find this article again (it may have been pods) or something similar and see if it said anything about how to work with this issue of the core personality being merged with the inner critic. If any of my readers have any ideas or links I’d love to hear from you!