K said no because her practice is currently full. She also said ‘I hear your wisdom in wanting to repay Dad and lift that weight financially. I also hear your reminder that online working was unhelpful for you.’
I am quite shocked. I don’t want to get into a discussion on here about whether or not she’s being reasonable because I have no way of resolving this rupture with her for at least 4 months so don’t want to exacerbate it for myself. I could argue it both ways to be honest as I’m not sure returning longer term would have worked and not made things difficult, but it really hurts she wouldn’t want to provide support. Maybe she thinks a few sessions wouldn’t have been enough or would be too hard after a 10 week break. It is just fucking heart-breaking that I really can’t have her support even if I want it now. I thought I had the option to return, but I guess my email sounded like I wasn’t sure that would be best. Which I’m not. But I still want and need her and I don’t know how to work out what to do about my brother without her. And now I can’t go back even if I want to. I wasn’t expecting that. It’s not what we agreed, though I know she couldn’t hold a space for me.
So I guess I’m really on my own till at least at March. And she might not have space then either I guess, or might say no as it will still be remote work then.
I wish I’d never reached out. We had left things well and this has ruined and confused everything.