Still waiting

Thanks for all the support and understanding on my last post. K didn’t reply this morning so I’ve text her just now to find out if she received my email. It has been 6 days. Maybe she is unwell or the email got lost. Does this even happen? In 5 years of at least one email a week one never went missing so it’s hard to believe she’s not received it. It’s also hard to believe she’s not just angry with me for asking her about returning to in-person work given the current situation. Or ghosting me. R says it was a valid question and she won’t be angry. Who knows? At least she has an iphone too and has read receipts on so I will know when she’s actually read it this time.

I don’t really have much else to say, I just needed this in writing somewhere. I managed to ground and settle over the weekend and spent time with friends and at the beach and on my bike. It did strike me how I come back from triggers much more quickly now and also that I naturally do things that are caring and soothing a lot of the time without even noticing. Proof of new neural pathways even when things feel immensely difficult. Obviously things are escalating again today and I didn’t sleep well last night, but I am managing to work and hold on to some sense of being okay whatever happens, while also trusting that things will work out as they need to for my highest good and that K and I were certain it wasn’t the end back in August.